Precious, personal pinecone.

The day after one of the worst days of my life,

I found myself on a deck with two wise friends. We didn’t say much, but we talked about Jesus, and how He moves in ways we don’t understand. They were very patient as I asked questions that didn’t make sense and held back tears that seemed to have a mind of their own. I remember being glad I wasn’t alone, glad I had protective company.

I looked up to the trees and wondered what God was doing in my life. I was scared to trust God with the one thing I loved the most, my family. I was scared to release the white-knuckle grip I had on them. I realized that no matter how much I loved them, how much I tried to preserve them and keep them safe, God ultimately had the final say. He held their every breath.

I realized that when you choose to follow Jesus, you choose to give Him everything you hold onto, and you have faith that His hands are much stronger and safer than your own.

I let this sink in, scared but hopeful. I gazed up at the tall pines around me and after a few moments, this tiny pinecone fell square onto my lap. I smiled and held it, delicate and small, in my hands. As silly as it sounds, it gave me a huge sense of peace. My friend sitting on one side of me laughed and said, “how cool would it be if that happened to me, too?” And guess what? A few seconds later, a tiny pinecone fell straight onto his lap. Our own precious, personal pinecones.

My life and the lives of those I loved felt as delicate and fragile as the pinecone I held in my hands.

That day, I knew God heard me. He heard my fears and my questions and my doubts, and as I looked at that tiny pinecone, I heard Him. He said, “This is your life. Precious and beautiful,  and it’s safe in my hands.”

I look back at that day, the day after I felt crushed & hopeless, & smile because God is a good listener. And I have this tiny, precious pinecone to remind me of that.

poetry by: notapoet

I’m not trying to be too obvious here but… I am not a poet.

I would call myself a writer, a blogger, a thinker. Not a poet.

I scribble words that sometimes rhyme and may resemble a poetic format. Still, not a poet. 

Occasionally, a moment or a string of moments can stir something in me so deeply, my words sometimes feel like poetry.

Why can’t I be a poet just for a minute?
—

Have you ever felt poetry?

I have thoughts that feel like poetry. Like yesterday, for example. There was a moment where time felt a little slower than usual, and I thought, this feels like poetry. It was a simple moment. A very silly moment.

I was in the kitchen, washing dishes while my beautiful, crazy roommates were all cooking dinner. We were listening to a weird electronic song and everyone was dancing to their own beat, looking insane to the outside world. But in our heads, everything was normal, everything was right. It was a moment of comedic comfortability, if that makes any sense. It was more than just us dancing weird and looking funny, it was snapshot moment that I will forever keep in my head. A moment of youth, joy, dancing, friendship and comfort.

And it felt like poetry.

I told myself, “remember this moment…remember this feeling.” The way I felt in that exact moment spread joy all the way to my fingertips, and it felt like poetry. To me, poetry is used to describe moments or feelings. Moments or feelings that are too deep or too rich to explain in a regular format.

That moment was deep and rich and joyful. So even if the snapshot in my head fades, I will write to remember this poetic moment.

I’m not writing a poem and I am not a poet. But I feel poetry, and I think that’s kind of poetic in its own way.

there’s a first for everything

Here I am. 20 years old (almost 21) (I’m really excited), sitting on my bed in my new apartment all alone, thinking about firsts. Right now I’m living multiple firsts.

First time moving into my own apartment.

First time sleeping alone in an apartment.

First time buying kitchen appliances.

First time using a power tool.

First time getting a tattoo.

Lots more little firsts, all adding up to more than I can really grasp. I’m growing up and it’s daunting and exciting all at once. There’s a lot that I’m unsure of at the moment. I’m not really sure if I like who I am today. I’m not sure of what I think about growing up, about things like marriage and careers and eating my vegetables. I am definitely not sure of who I will be in five years, or where I will end up.

And this is the age where you begin to figure those things out. Not all at once of course. You figure it out through trials, failures, successes, heartbreaks and new beginnings. You figure out who you are and who you want to be.

I just want to remember who I was at 20 years old, who I am right now. Things that I liked and things that made me laugh and things that made me cry. Things that scared me and things that made me giddy and excited. I’m not trying to dwell on what I don’t know, on all of the unsures.

So these are the things I do know, things that I am certain of:

I have a wonderful, amazing group of friends that encourage me and lift me up. I have an incredible dad and siblings who cheer me on and love me more than I could ever understand or deserve. I am blessed to be at an amazing university that challenges me and invites me to go deeper into my education and my faith. I have a cute dainty apartment, that I share with four very different, very beautiful girls and I could not be more excited.

Sure there are a lot of unsures in my life. But the firsts and the certains, those are the things I want to remember, I want to permanently etch into my mind and my heart.

So for now I will capture moments and write down memories and figure out the rest as I go.

summer in the desert

Dry. Hot. Confused. Worried.

Messing up more times than I can count.

Waiting for a green-eyed, curly headed boy to flip my world upside down.

Worrying about my heart & thinking it’s just too messy.

Laughing, just to keep from cussing at people.

Smiling because friends & family forgive me, even when I don’t deserve it–especially when I don’t deserve it.

Lots of words. Too many words probably.

Reading books, emails. Writing letters, texts.

Too much time drowning in my own thoughts, not enough time outside.

But that circles back to the dry heat we started out with… The desert is good about scaring you away & not seeming very inviting.

Summer is coming to a close & honestly, I couldn’t be more ready. It’s been a season of waiting & processing, tripping & falling..no tumbling, face first, down hills, like that scene in Hot Rod.

Summers aren’t like they used to be, that’s for sure.

The heat made me feel dried up, worn out.

I learned I’m stubborn. Very stubborn. I’m stubborn in admitting I’m stubborn.

I learned that it’s okay to ask for help. Not only okay, but it’s encouraged sometimes. The worst part was, I knew I had so many people willing to help, desperate to help, but still I was stubborn.

Good things happened. Good people arrived. Good lessons were learned.

Anyways. Summer is almost over, & for that, I am grateful.

Let’s talk about POLITICS! & other fun things!

Please just give this post a chance. It’s not really about politics. Well sort of. Just hear me out okay?

I don’t know much about politics. I’ve never voted. I missed the 2012 Presidential election because I was like one week too young. But I just slowly slid myself into that category of people who “don’t really care about politics.” It’s soooo much easier to just say those couple of words than to actually learn about politicians and our government.

So maybe you’re one of those people that just don’t care about politics. Or maybe you’re a tad bit older and you see all the destruction and deceit that plagues our government and you just don’t want to support it. “We can’t trust politicians! They’re all liars and they only want our money!” Or maybe you think your voice doesn’t really matter and the voting system is corrupt.

I’m not here to say that stuff isn’t true, or to bash you if that’s what you think. I’m here to say: I LOVE COLLEGE (again, hear me out.) You know why I love college? Because learning matters. You know what else I love? Being a journalism major. You know what I hate? Feeling dumb and inadequate. I remember one of my professors brought up the Charlie Hebdo attack in class one day and wanted us to share our opinions. I was like whaaaaat is that… I mean I kind of knew. But EVERYONE else in that class really knew what had happened in Paris (or at least faked it like me) and why it mattered to journalists around the world. I felt inadequate and kind of ignorant. That is not a fun feeling.

Now as a journalism major, it is my job to be informed on global, national and local issues. I should know what is going on around me and be able to have an educated opinion. But as a human being, it’s my privilege to know these things.

I’m talking to you, college student or high school student or even you parents out there. Let’s not turn off the news because you don’t want to hear about the riots in our nations. Let’s not throw away our newspapers because you don’t want to read about another political scandal. Let’s not roll our eyes to the pain in the world.

I love college because I know things. Sounds silly I know. But I really care about the things I’m learning! My mind is so open. I’m reading and I’m asking questions and I’m reacting to everything. I don’t always agree with what I’m learning, I sometimes get annoyed or deeply saddened by things that I see going on in the world. But man, those feelings are better than not feeling anything, or knowing nothing.

Here’s my advice. It’s simple. It’s a small step to becoming an educated citizen. It’s as easy as looking at your Twitter feed. This is what I, Ciera Cypert, do to try and become an educated citizen of this wonderful nation. I downloaded the CNN app on my iPhone. Boom. 

Okay this is not mind-blowing…like at all. But it’s so easy! Download any app! The CNN app sends me notifications when something important is happening locally and nationally. I can then have conversations with my friends about the news, who also have the app. Then it becomes kind of like a contest, Well I know more about the upcoming candidates for the 2016 election than you do. Instead of killing time watching another animal video on Facebook (man those things are addicting), scroll through the news on your phone. Read headlines, look at pictures, dig deep.

You guys… it’s cool to be informed. Not only is it cool, it’s important.

Don’t agree with what’s going on in the government? GET INFORMED! Form an opinion! Get mad! DO SOMETHING! Read an article; if it made you happy, read more! Share you ideas! SHOW EMOTIONS!!! Don’t become a robotic, emotionless teenager or young adult who just “doesn’t care about politics.” People, let’s learn. Let’s care about the world and what’s going on in it.

*drops the mic*

The Marriage Plot: Book Review

Okay if you like happy romantic endings, you will not like this book.

If you like the honest, dark realities of love, you might be a fan.

The author, Jeffrey Eugenides, isn’t afraid to speak about the complications that come with relationships. This book is based in the 80’s which I personally loved because it automatically made this love story play out in a quirky way.

Okay but it’s so much more than a love story! Don’t be fooled by the title; it’s not a sappy Nicholas Sparks’ kind of story. It’s about finding God, about questioning religion, being adventurous and traveling, dealing with mental disorders, love, heartbreak, drugs, discoveries, family, graduating, marriage, and just growing up. I genuinely loved this book and its’ complicated characters. I would recommend it for those of you who are searching for something deep and dark, something that makes you want to fight for love and for truth.

8/10!!!!

solitude. night. the plunge into shadowy darkness.

You know when you get so busy you forget to think about yourself?

Not in the, “oh I only care about others, I’m so selfless, I don’t have any problems, blah blah blah” sort of way. I mean you literally are so busy that you ignore your own problems. You drown out your struggles by drowning in other things. You occupy your time with staying social, or running errands or staring mindlessly at your phone. Anything to keep you from hearing your own thoughts and your own worries.

I think about myself when I am finally alone. At night, when I plunge into the shadowy darkness. In the morning, when all I have is solitude for a brief moment. I was reminded of this shadowy darkness from Brave New World, when the Savage says that God exists in the night, on a precipice under the pale moon. When you’re alone, you can’t ignore your thoughts anymore. You are forced to confront the fears that you push so far down, no one else knows they exist. I think about how broken I am. I can feel my heart beat faster and heat rise to my skin as I lie in bed because I know I’ve messed up or I’m afraid that I am going to mess up. I think about how cruel I am, how prone I am to hurt others and make mistakes. “Why, Ciera? Why would you do that? Why would you say that?” I can’t ignore the heaviness in my heart or the frustration in my head.

But I also think about God. I think about how big He is. About how small I am. On days when I mess up, when I’m just a complete idiot, I try to run from God. I run from His goodness because I’m too busy wallowing in self-loathing or worrying that I really don’t deserve His goodness. God doesn’t exist in these negative places, why would He? He’s got much better things to do than hear me complain about my own mistakes. But I’m learning about reconciliation. I’m still learning how big, how deep and rich Jesus’ grace is.

Jesus exists in these dark places. Jesus is not just rainbows and sunrises and mountaintop views. He’s real. He lives in the valleys. He’s flesh and He’s earth. He’s here. Jesus wants all of me, all of you. He wants me on my good days, and on my bad days, which there seems to be a lot of lately. He wants to be deeply involved in your troubles. Christ is involved in every layer of who I am, even the parts I am not proud of. He is hope. And I will rest in that, at night, in the shadowy darkness, when I am alone.

“May the winds blow till they have wakened death”- Othello, Shakespeare.

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.” John 1:5 (NLT)

summer reading list;

I just really want to be one of those people that can effortlessly weave poetry and book quotes into their everyday conversations. I feel like that’s just a quality that all intelligent people obtain. So I am setting some pretty high standards for myself this summer.

Plus I just like to read.

So I asked three of my favorite professors, all very, very different, (one’s a hippie obsessed with Japanese culture, one is a theological genius who is profound and hilarious and one is an opinionated sarcastic feminist) to recommend some of their favorite books. I won’t say who recommended what, let’s just keep the mystery, or you can figure it out for yourself.

Also thrown in there is some books I’ve been wanting to read for quite some time. Some are romances, others are classics I’ve just never read. I plan on updating my blog after I’ve finished one of these books and I’ll do a quick book review. I’m really hoping to get through most of these!

So here is the list, just shy over 30 books, ranging from thrillers, to classics to romances to Christian theology. I’m excited to get started and lock myself in my room to read all summer 🙂

Read on, readers!

–The Innocents Abroad by Mark Twain

–The Habit of Being by Flannery O’Connor

–Silence by Shusaku Endo

–Deep River by Shusaku Endo

–Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer

–The Art of Memory by Francis Yates

–I Love White Teeth by Zadie Smith

–On Beauty by Zadie Smith

–The Tell-Tale Brain by V.S. Ramachandran

–The Year of Living Dangerously by C.J. Koch

–All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven

–A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway

–Bossypants by Tina Fey

–Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke

–Orthodoxy by G.K. Chesterton

–Godric by Fredrick Buechner

–A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Van Aucken

–The Spiritual Life by Evelyn Underhill

–The Wild Things by Dave Eggers

–Atonement by Ian McEwan

–The Chaos of Stars by Kiersten White

–Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

–The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis

–The Opposite of Loneliness by Marina Keegan

–The Marriage Plot by Jeffery Eugenides

–One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

–Everything by Maya Angelou

–The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis & John Eldredge

–The Deal by Elle Kennedy

–The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins

–Serve God, Save the Planet by J. Matthew Sleeth M